Thursday, January 3, 2013

Christmas & True Writings

Lets start with a few pictures, if you follow me on insta (lacelouu) then these are probably repeats I apologize.

Obviously a 4 month old will not remember Christmas but it sure was fun to watch him attempt to tear open gifts.



Landon and Uncle Dallas

Seriously with the matching outfits and Patriot hats- cutness overload.

Family pic attempted... no go obviously...
At least mom & dad understand what to do
Pull it together kids.

Raw Emotion.
I want to take time to reflect that 1 year ago I took a pregnancy test, there are no fun pictures of the pee-stick saying positive and no pinterest worthy pictures of a fun exciting way I told Roberto and grandparents. When I reflect on that day it was a normal work day but something felt off, in my heart I knew I was pregnant I just didn't want to admit it. The work day ended and after dinner was finished I explained to Roberto I had not remembered when my last period was and maybe we should take a test to calm my nerves. There was a running joke in the house that if it came back negative he would do the dishes and if it came back positive I would do them, I thought for sure I was getting the best deal out of this bargain. We both go upstairs-as we are waiting the longest 2-3 minutes of our lives-we are joking with eachother because  secretly we both knew what it was going to say. Positive. We both sat on our bed, I cried and he hugged me. Of course we both wanted kids together, that was our plan, we were both old enough with established jobs, a home and healthy lifestyles so why was this so hard to accept? Society puts shame on people that are not married and have children and I thought for sure I would be looked at as someone who had failed at the picture perfect life. I also wanted to be married, own a house, and have traveled some before starting a family and now things basically stopped for us and we had to figure out how to be the best people we could be for this baby.


Being a mom has not come easy to me. I have struggled, cried, screamed, walked out, been in deep depression and yet it is still the happiest I have ever been? I just want all moms to know that you are NOT a bad person if you do not have this UNDYING amount of love the moment you push the baby out of you. It is something that takes time, everyday you will love them more. It is okay to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream curse words, it is okay to dislike your significant other, it is okay to feel like anyone else could raise this baby better than you. Truth will be told that in time I found that Landon knows me, I am his favorite person, I know how to calm him down, he knows my smell and I know his. He is my best friend. The light in my eye. I am the only person that can raise him the best way I know how. With the most amount of love I can give and honesty.


When a long day of work ends and after getting the baby ready for bed I sit in the dark just me and Landon with ocean noises in the background his little hand wraps around my fingers every night and he hums himself to sleep drinking his bottle, this is the life I never knew could be so full of love. I have found true love and I am so blessed that those words on that pregnancy test one year ago said "yes"

7 comments:

  1. I miss my little boyfriend.

    and you too best friend. I also miss you too.

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  2. Thank you for writing this. In a few weeks it will be a year from when I found out that I was pregnant and I went through some of the same conflicting thoughts. I was so ashamed to be pregnant and not married. I hid it from most people till I was about 6 months along. Now that he is here, I couldnt imagine things being any different.

    I also agree about not loving them at first. For the first three weeks I was living in a haze. I almost felt like I was baby sitting him. But now, I look at him and he is mine and I am him. I feel so overwhelmed by the love in ways I didnt at first.

    xx
    josie

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  3. Totally tearing up at work reading this!

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  4. I will have to follow you on Instagram! And just thought I would add that when you are living like a zombie with no sleep and very little time to eat or anything else besides dealing with baby, it definitely doesn't help! Those first few weeks are so rough!

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  5. hey! thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. we actually thought it was reflux early on and gave him the medicine for reflux for 1.5 weeks with no change, so we ruled that out. we wanted so bad for it to be anything but colic!!

    gas drops and probiotics and TIME has helped a lot lately though :)

    your lil man is so cute!!

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  6. Finding so many fun mommy blogs tonight! Our boys were born so close! My little man was born 4 days late on August 24th! It has been so much fun catching up on your blog! Your baby boy is a handsome little boy! :)

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  7. This is so beautifully written. We all write our own story and the chapters don't always end up in the same order. You are an amazing mama and your little man (and big man) are so lucky to have you!

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